quite contrary

I write a lot of things that never make it to full blog-entry bloom. whether it always turns too personal or just becomes a jumbled mash of thoughts that even I can hardly follow, these little thought-seeds get tossed & begin to grow… but in my own secret & hidden emotional garden. one with a lock, & key & voice activated access code.

2012 is proving to be a big year in the oddest of ways. everything I thought I knew about where Jared & I were going next has been tossed in the air & carried away by a breeze from a very foreign place. I have yet again been told by my very tough-lovey God, “not your plan, but Mine.” it’s funny really, because He’s been telling me this for YEARS – sometimes it’s a whisper, sometimes it’s at the top of His omnipotent lungs. & I’m like, “YEAH, K, GOT IT, COACH!” & run off with too much energy, quickly forgetting what He just told me & making my own plans. again.

I am restless. I am eager. & I am once again being humbled & stretched. totally painful, but it's making me feel alive & energized. like blood is finally being allowed to pulse again after months & more months of holding my breath. with tingly limbs, I’m learning to walk again, & with sensitive skin, I’m feeling cold & warmth. naturally, after months of piling on layers, the cold is harsh. but the warmth against skin - MY SKIN- is so good. the feeling comes & goes, waxing & waning on a day by day basis.

but the point is that I AM FEELING.

I’m waiting for the writing on the wall, I suppose. all the while, trying to channel this churning that Jared & I are both feeling in our guts. this ache to GO. to BE. to DO. this ache that trivializes our everyday tasks & hovers over every waking thought. it’s better for you to know this, because it’s all I want to talk about.

in the meantime… until we figure out what the heck is next, I’m swearing off reading other blogs. ugh, & no more pinterest. it is so easy to feel like we’re the only couple in the whole blogging universe that exist in this in-between phase. I know it’s not true, but pictures of new babies, cute puppies & townhomes in Georgetown certainly make me feel otherwise.

this entire process is freeing. for jared. for me. & after so many months of holding my breath, I am finally exhaling & letting my garden grow.

xo, kelsey

1 comment:

  1. Well said, Dear friend.

    It's so easy to compare yourself & your life to everyone around & in front of you. Whether it's through a tv screen or a blog. I'm so guilty of this as well.

    You & Jared have such a good thing already. You are probably one of the most in love couples that I know. & although a lot of people may have the other things, you two have what's most important.

    & out of all the friends I've had growing up, You were #1 in my "most likely to succeed" category. & you have & you will continue to.

    In-between phases aren't so bad. Gives you more to look forward to.

    Love you.


because lezz be frandz.